The Hallmark Valentines Day Experience

i have been writing cards at Hallmark for 26 yrs and today i am being fired for drinking on the job so now i am going to give all you fucks a piece of my mind. first and foremost, i hope that you and your offspring and whatever of your genealogical line persists are rid from the Earth by biblical plagues that cause much frothing at the mouth and not a little leprosy. second, have you ever looked into the mirror you sick depraved hopeless people who write about True Love year in and out and yet can barely form acceptable human relationships? who in this cramped lightless office knows anything about unconditional affection? i know Martha posts pics of her hubby & new born on FB but do they know that she’s been sucking her boss’s dick for the past three years? or what about Howard who got caught fathering an extra family in Philadelphia that his real wife and kids had no idea about? what i am trying to say is that we as a group or more formally the cogs of the Hallmark Card Corporation,are actually a group of distusting pigs who write horrible lies for delusional people. remember when our CEO said on the conference call that the key demographic for Valentines Day cards is actually lonely singles who like to pretend they have someone to send it to? WE ARE NOTHING BUT FEAR PEDDLERS PEOPLE AND GOD STRIKE US DEAD FOR SPREADING SUCH MALICIOUS ROMANTIC FALSITIES. ever since the divorce i have been working long hours in this dank hellhole and writing things that consistently crush my soul. my greatest single contribution to this company was the bestselling “Are you a beaver?/Cuz dammmmm” combo that won several awards from degenerates who fuel the drivel of this country. i threw the award in the trash that night and stuck a gun in my mouth hoping i would have the balls to end it. but here i am writing this email to you worthless pricks. i will have you know that i studied the Classics at Princeton and it aches me that my weight in the culture negates with precision any effect Homer and Chaucer might have on our common discourse. so long you soulless motherfuckers. btw i am in love with a hooker now after a quarter century of writing about the topic on sleek disposable cards.